This is Tiff's entry for Part 1 of The Assignment
Here's a basic rundown of why I now HATE the weight I've put on over the past several years.
1) It is a physical manifestation of a period of much anxiety in my life, in which I wanted to avoid emotional closeness and so ate and drank my way into unattractive padding, which I thought would shield me from unwanted attention. That's a move that backfired, and left me feeling terrible about myself.
2) I still think of myself as average size, and yet the camera doesn't lie. I have never ever ever liked having my picture taken, and the extra weight doesn't help my attitude any. Combine the fat with the effects of aging, and I can almost not stand to look at myself in the mirror some days. This is sheer vanity, I know, yet there it is.
3) Extra weight sequesters estrogen. The extra estrogen can set the scene for breast cancer to grow. This, as anyone can tell you, is not good.
4) Extra weight predisposes anyone to developing type 2 diabetes, particularly as one ages. I am nearly 45. I am overweight. There's not much math needed to figure out that I am just asking for diabetes. I do not want diabetes. My grandfather died of diabetes. Diabetes is bad.
5) There are hosts of other reasons I hate the extra weight. I don't feel attractive. I don't feel sexy. I have muffin tops the size of hoagies. My thighs are dimpled, and that's not cute at all. My upper arms sway, and hot shit nobody wants to see THAT. My chin is birthing a twin, and ruining my profile. I want my old body back, or as close as I can get to it. I want that so badly that I'm excited about losing weight this time.
Lots and lots of reasons I hate hate hate the extra weight. So, instead of spending any more time writing about it, I'm going to go work out, then drink a bunch of water, and take a long hot shower as my reward.