Wednesday, January 31, 2007

A Lifelong Question

This is Schischter's entry for Part 1 of The Assignment

What I don't like about myself: in general. That is a lifelong question. Since puberty hit, I have never been skinny. People always say, "I wish I was the same size I was in high school." That, for me, would not be much of a difference. I have maintained my current weight for nearly 15 years, and that is including two pregnancies. I usually prefer to be the one behind the camera lens, not in front of it. I don't shy away from having my picture taken, but I will shy away from actually LOOKING at those photos. My husband is tall and thin, and I look like a bloated whale next to him. That does "wonders" for my feelings about myself.

What I don't like about myself: at this point in my life, I have very little energy to enjoy spending time with my kids, and nieces and nephews. I have to buy 2X clothes, and those are starting to get snug. I wheeze when I bend over to tie my shoes or trim my toenails. My lower back is in almost constant pain (alleviated recently by regular visits to the chiropractor) I still need a bit of coaxing to get out and exercise, even though I know I need it.

What I don't like about myself: at my doctor's office. The scale doesn't lie. I hate that the doctor has to push so hard to get a good feel of the internal organs. I feel healthy, and my blood tests have always been within normal limits (with the exception of a SLIGHTLY high cholesterol level) and yet I know, deep down, I am not truly "healthy." I've asked the doctors what to do about my weight and they all say the same thing: diet and exercise. (DUH, as if I didn't know THAT) I say I am not looking for a miracle cure, but I am. I know that, at this weight, I am at risk for developing Type 2 diabetes (especially since there is a strong family history) as well as other health issues like heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, stroke, arthritis, etc.

I want to be at a healthier weight and body shape. I want to be able to shop in the "misses" department, not the WOMENS section (even if it is the largest size in the section, it's better than the smallest size in womens.) I want to be an example for my children and stop the generational obesity habits. I want to have more energy. I want to be able to bend over without having to hold my breath, or feel lunch creeping back up my esophagus. I want to feel good wearing sexy lingerie for my hubby. I want to feel good wearing a swim suit in public. I want people to stop asking me "When is the baby due?" - my husband got "snipped" over 2 years ago. You get the drift.

I needed this smackdown challenge to kick my (ample) butt into gear.


tiff said...

Well done, woman!

You can, and will, do this.

We all can, and will. Thank you for telling us what this means to you.

Biff Spiffy said...

Wow. Thank you for sharing this, and I'm so happy you've joined in. I'll be your biggest cheerleader.