Friday, January 23, 2009


So I feel like if I can manage to behave myself over the weekend, I am on track to knock off the last of the four pounds and see that scale sitting on 140 on Monday morning.

And so I was thinking. "Well, sure, I've been hungry, and I miss the cake. But this hasn't been so bad. Perhaps I should just target a few more pounds, just one more size..."

Where does it end? At what point is it that I will stop feeling fat?

When I used to weigh 275... the very idea of weighing less than 200 seemed like nirvana.

At 200, well, then 180 seemed like a good weight to be.

When I weighed 165 and finally was in a weight range considered "not obese", I was ok for a while, but eventually, I just started thinking that I need to be less.

I now weigh a weight that I literally have not seen since I was a young child. I am in a proper weight range for my weight. I am healthy. I am fit.

What's with the yearning?

I suppose that's a central question in life... as we all yearn for something. But I keep reaching goals that I seriously though were unattainable, and all it makes me do is think that perhaps, I could just go a little... bit.. farther.

Stupid brain. Maybe it would shut up if I gave it some cake.

PS - on re-reading this, it seems whiny and pathetic, but I'm posting it anyway... if I can't whine here, where can I?


db grin said...

Mmmmm, red whine...

You can whine all you want. You're a friggin' inspiration. I haven't been under 200 since graduating high school, and my goal still puts me heavier than any Shrinklet's starting weight.

So if you can do it, there's hope for the likes of moi.

tiff said...

You are a superstar, you KNOW that, right? You weight HALF of what you used to. Amazing.

I have a new goal for you - grow three inches taller. G'head - I dare you.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Great post, and what an inspiring chronology! You really are a superstar.

You have the same problem the vast majority of people have in this life. Instead of living in the moment of now. . . being right here and right now and realizing that there is nothing more to life than the moment we are living, you believe that there is something in the future that will give you salvation. Some event, some acquisition, some new love, some whatever will make everything perfect and your life will be exactly what it's supposed to be.
The truth is that you are exactly how you are supposed to be right now.
Oh, and I spent quite a bit of time recently worrying about what would happen when I reached my weight goal. . . it's silly to worry about something that hasn't happened.

Check out my posts. . . .


the only daughter said...

Indeed, you lost...a person. (I found her, but that's another story).

I hear ya tho. I friend lost a ton of poundage recently and upon reaching her goal, expressed similiar sentiments.

I like, "I am healthy. I am fit."

I will remember that when I get where I want to be.

eb said...

Yes, you are an inspiration. It gives me hope that you went from 275 to 140. Wow.

Right now you're in the maintaining zone. That requires a totally different psychology but your brain is still obsessed with weight loss.

So think of it like this - you've been saving for years to buy wall-to-wall carpet. Saving and saving and saving then finally you get the carpet. So now what? Save for more carpet? No.

You need to vaccuum. That's a much different activity than saving for carpet. Plus, it's cheaper and burns more calories.

Ginamonster said...

According to the charts, I am obese. When I tell people that, they are shocked. Be healthy for you, not for the charts, because my goal weight? Still makes me fat according to them.