Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Don't lose interest

We're 5 weeks into this whole stupid valuable exercise, and I must say I'm feeling rather...out of it.

Where'd JANUARY go? How can it be almost the middle of February? And, as a corollary - why aren't I about 10 pounds lighter than I was at the beginning of the year? I should be 10 pounds lighter, really I should, and I could have been.


I hereby publicly admit I've done NOTHING to get there except maybe eat a little less and a little better than I did a few weeks ago. I have not been working out at all really, I've fallen prey to stress and a workload that can only be described as 'evil,' and I'm not moderating my 'mama juice' intake (that'd be liquor, to all y'all not familiar).

Why am I not? One reason, I think: I've been overweight now for about 10 years, and have gotten used to it. I've forgotten what it's like to be thinner, and instead have made a habit of not thinking about it. Not thinking about how much better it would feel to NOT have a jiggly belly, about how much nicer it would look to NOT have a dimply ass, how much better it would be to NOT have jiggly upper arms. I've gotten used to disliking the way my body feels, what it's like to be over 200 pounds (there. I said it), the adjustments I've made to accommodate this bigger body.

I have not kept my desire to be thinner in the front of my mind. I have begun to believe that it might be possible to THINK away 25 pounds of fat. I have not faced myself down HARD and given myself a stern talking-to, as I need to.

Anyone else in that same boat, or are all y'all just busting out with self-determination and goal-oriented lifechanges???


eb said...

Well, not really busting out in that way. I'd say I'm somewhat determined. So far I've been able to dodge a few bullets, but the big kicker for me is staying away from the mama juice. It. Is. Very. Hard. I've managed a so-so effort but it makes a big difference for me.

I was where you were a few months ago - pretty much settled into thinking I'm just gonna be a big, ol fatty for the rest of the way. BUT...or maybe BUTT...

around Christmas I just had it. I was tired of being fat. Absolutely tired of it. I hate the fat clothes. I hate sitting on an airplane and I really hated looking at myself profile in the mirror. Can you say, "Alfred Hitchcock"?

It's going to take longer than June, that's for sure. But I am determined to get there. I'm just not going to beat myself up if I slip every now and again.

I dunno what to tell you. Maybe you need a good shot of self-loathing in the form a pic of yourself on the fridge.

the only daughter said...

I've considered the pic of myself, full-length, on the fridge. I may still. The recents days have been the biggest struggle. Eating I have under control, I just haven't been able to move, overmuch.

I too, am determined to get there more and more everyday, that determination, however is fighting a killer case of the blahs, at the moment.

I'm fighting through the blahs and will be looking to kicking it into high gear sooner rather than later.

Go. You. !!!

db grin said...

I for one would be afloat in a sea of bubbling hot french fries if not for this band of honest normal people with a goal.

It's very encouraging to me to see that others are struggling and succeeding, and still sticking to it. No dropouts, lots of support, and focus with a sense of humor is working for me. I do need to up my calorie burning, in addition to packing fewer into my already densely packed carcass.

I don't want to be over 1/8 ton anymore. Ever.

No Celery Please said...

EB is correct abut one thing... dieting takes a pretty big shot of self loathing. It's one of the things that makes it so hard... after a while you get tired of hearing yourself tell you how much you suck.

It's much harder if you're happy (newlyweds!!).

I keep a picture up in my cube of me and the SB from 2000. That's me at 275. It keeps me away from the snack machine. It's a matter of balancing love of food against hate of self (for me, anyway).

If I get too contented, I start to think... well... "I could have just one, tiny piece of cake!"

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Tiff, I hear you! I know what I need to do (stomach exercises!) but I believe that if I think about doing them it'll be just as effective.

On another note, I have discovered mangoes and they have been a godsend in (partially) satiating my Mr. Hyde like sweet tooth. Desserts are my "mama juice".

I'm imagining you on the North Banks this summer, showing off your hot-mamma bod with pride. We may have to nickname you cougar. Meeow! :D

tiff said...

eb - I think I too have a little Alfred in me. Grrr.

TOD - Spring is coming, and with it the chance ot maybe get rid of those blahs. At least i hope so.

DB - Mmmm, french fries.

NCP - I tend to drown my self-loathing in alcohol. Kills it for a while. Probably not a smart thing to do, eh?

Lady Jane - Just don't call me Moby Dick, eh? :)

Thanks all for your thoughts. It does make a difference to me to know that this thing isn't really 'easy' for anyone.

Ginamonster said...

It's been a tough week on the sweet front...

Sparky said...

Can you think about it another way? Instead of keeping 'thinner' in the front of your head - how about 'healthier', how about live long enough to see my kids have kids?
I know I am sure that if my life span is 80 plus i want to be able to do more at 80 than sit in a rocker. The first race I ever ran there was an 82 year old woman in it AND SHE BEAT ME. I wanna be 80 like THAT.
I don't want to be pn statins and pressors and hoping a drug like Alli will fix my bad habit of eating til I feel like I'm gonna explode.

That helped me - hope it helps you.